i have felt like this my whole life but i have never had the nerve to say it for fear of abandonment and loneliness: i hate being the friend that cares.
i am almost always the friend that reaches out, that makes plans, that cares when you're sick or sad or anything!
and i get nothing in return.
i dont have a friend that calls me when i am sick, i don't have a friend that calls me to make plans...
i think, as my skin gets tougher and i figure out more about myself through this journey, i am going to realize that a lot of my 29 palms friends arent worth the trouble. it sounds terrible but its what the adults in my life have always told me. you're going to have friends in high school but they're not going to last, its the ones you meet in college that will be your bridesmaids.
i used to have a hard time letting go of people but as of late i just want the negativity out of my life entirely.
i want a friend that wants to be my friend and doesnt use me.
a lot of the girl's i have met so far fit that want.
growing up is kind of hard to do.
but if you just do it, like jumping into a cold pool, it feels good.
not the cold pool, but the satisfaction of having jumped.
i don't want to be around people that wont jump.
and you, you, and you who still reside in 29 palms are grounded and refuse to jump.
i can only hold your hand for so long.
i love you, but goodbye.
-breanna
