I Feel It All, I Feel It All

i haven't been blogging lately and frankly, i'm feeling the withdraws.
i'm not happy.
i have decided to forgo Central Washington University for now. i just dont have the money and it would be a more wise decision to just wait.

i also met someone, who i think is playing games.

i need to stay focused.

this blog keeps me focused on what is important:

me,

school,

church,

and my family.

my apartment is also a terrible mess and i have skipped a couple of classes due to lack of sleep.

i'm pretty sure being online right now isn't the best idea either.

i'm debating whether or not i should literally pull an all-nighter and finish cleaning, finish my homework, and study for my test in the morning.

if i go to bed now, i'm just going to want to sleep in.

but maybe, if i stay up the entire night i can take my test and then come home and sleep.

speaking of staying up all night, that brings me back to my gentleman friend who is barely speaking to me as of late.

he and i had the most amazing date, in my opinion at least, last thursday. we went to the beach realllllly late and stayed up until sunrise. it was sweet.

i don't know what i did wrong, i always do something wrong.

i think he might be trying to play the hard-to-get game?

where he barely texts me at all.

and i know i should probably take the hint and just leave him alone, but its so hard.

i keep that faint glimmer of hope that maybe he is just busy and he wasn't bull shitting me when he called me beautiful, told me how much he liked my smile and laugh, and said that we were going well.

i'm pathetic.

i'm the dumb broad in he's just not that into you fml fml fml.

i just need to back away from all of the swirling emotions and detach myself for a little bit. i have enough going on in my life right now.

-spring rush,

-job hunt,

-school,

-doctor's appointments,

-and then there is living and having relationships with people other than my roommate.

and juan.

my brand new beta fish.

i need something to love and take care of, and we're not allowed to have dogs so i settled.

i just need a vacation already.

but not one to be lazy because i am doing enough of that already, but one to get organized.

i want to be so organized that i just go through the motions of everyday life with out having to think about it.

oh my lord.

do you believe what i just said?!

that contradicts so many of the things i am working for!

i just need some sleep.

oh, by the way, i am burning joel's forever came calling tees hirt on valentine's day along with a pair of shorts from another ex whom shall remain anonymous.

i have always found it cliche and immature to do such things to an ex's belongings but i just want to see what all the hype is about.

goodnight.

if anyone understood, or even read this, please comment and tell me what i am doing wrong in my life.