ok, so i don't quite have a new year's resolution
because i shouldn't need a new year to improve, i should take action on my own accord.
but i suppose if you want to call it my resolution for 2010 then go ahead haha.
before i unveil my daring, bold move for my own wellness
lets talk a little about what brought it about,
mean girls who attack you on social networking sites.
-i don't care how tough you think you are, you're a pussy if you're going to call me fat in a facebook message.
this ridiculously long talk with my sister (technically, "in-law") last night.
-we talked from around 8pm to 5 am, about our weight, our past horrors, relationships, fears, love, parents, lies, and sadness with out motivation.
my lack of volunteer service this past semester,
-i used to never be home because i was staying late afterschool to work on a canned food drive or singing at Reach Out 29 on christmas eve to the elderly...etc
i've always been a very motivated, goal-orientated person but lately i have been utterly lazy.
mr. mason footh.
-that boy has got me questioning who i am and what i stand for.
i don't want to be the way i used to be, i will not put a guy first until he is my husband.
and i will definitely not degrade myself to filthy behavior any more.
and mom, stop talking to me about how fat i am.
"tuck in," "stand up straight" "try these on, they cover your belly," and my favorite, "you look thin, do you have your leotard on underneath?"
so here it is, my "resolution":
-i am going on hiatus from all forms of internet social networking.
i am not deleting my facebook and such only because i have a lot of family and friends on there. but i will take the apps off my phone and not check it for at least 2 months.
-phone is going off at night unless i need to have my alarm on. no more texting when i am lonely, no more getting sad when a certain someone doesnt text me. thats ridiculous. it is an object, it should not be my life.
- i will wake up and walk to church almost every sunday and volunteer. i will start with church and as soon as i become more familiar with people and the area i might start my own works.
-i will become more financially organized and school is going to be my one main priority. i want to transfer in fall '10 and i need to have straight As, so i will make it happen. organization is key.
-since i'll be playing volleyball again i am going to put a lot of effort in getting healthy again, and i will set a realistic goal of weight lost and accomplish it by the end of the semester. eating healthy will also be a big part of all of this.
-i am mostly going to spend my time at home improving something whether it be my apartment by being crafty, or my chores, bills, home work, self...
-and i am going to thicken my skin a little bit. i cant be afraid that every man i meet will just cheat on me or do bad things to me. and i refuse to let someone bring me down because of their insecurities. i'm going to learn to love myself again, if it kills me.
-and i am going to make a little more of an effort to let the ones i love know it. we as people tend to take things for granted, and sometimes we are the meanest to the ones that love us because we have it in our heads that they will always love us. it shouldnt be that way. even though i am going to be a bit of a recluse to figure myself out and improve i cant be an escapist and i need to talk to those i love, who i know wont let me stray from my goals.
it may seem selfish but if i dont love myself how will i love someone else?
if i am not well how can i help others?
it is going to be tough but i have overcome much in my life and i will accomplish this goal.
goodnight everyone
thank you for reading
